@Phoebetate: Whatever, Twitter makes me a safer driver. Now I stop at every red light, even the lights that I think may change in the next minute or two.
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@belleykell: It takes me roughly 7 secs into an episode of House Hunters to discover that my pure hatred of strangers still exists
@GinAndJif: Pretend you’re in Game of Thrones by shouting “Open the gate!” as you stride purposefully towards an automatic door.
@brendanmcginley: The Riddler always struck me as the Batman villain most likely to have been a pickup artist.
@sonictyrant: Me: I love star wars movies Friend: What's your favourite line? Me: Probably "aaaaarggh...Luke ya scurvy dog, I am yer fartha" Friend: Sounds like a pirate copy