@Phoebetate: Whatever, Twitter makes me a safer driver. Now I stop at every red light, even the lights that I think may change in the next minute or two.
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@Parentpains: If you didn't want me to wash my car on your lawn than you never should have turned your sprinkler on.
@Purple_Pito: My cousin posted a meme in family group chat and my aunt said "maybe this is the year you find a husband like the way you find good jokes" 💀
@mrtruthandsoul: My wife just bought a $50 bottle of shampoo. So guys, party at my house this weekend because apparently we won the Lottery!!!