@KizerBillhelm: Whatever, Usain Bolt. I've been finishing in under 10 seconds for years.
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@trojansauce: LOIS LANE: *pulls back from kissing* clark your glasses are hurting my nose can you take them off CLARK KENT: no
@MrFornicator: When people ask me if I'm working hard or hardly working, I like to stab them with a pen and ask if they're hurting hard or hardly hurting.
@Neauxpe: A bunch of black dudes were standing in front of my gardening equipment. Bros before hoes.
@roxaroodw: Apparently it's inappropriate to ask where her shoes are from when you're in the next stall.