@causticbob: Whatever you do, always give 100%. Unless you're donating blood
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@robfee: No matter how lazy you feel, just remember that Goldilocks decided to take a nap during a b&e.
@aka_fatman: President, first day on the job: *pushing a button* Janet can you- [two nuclear missiles launch towards Moscow] That wasn't the intercom.
@1Happytwit: Cats don't come with instructions, so how is anyone supposed to know you can't put them in the washing machine.