@tastefactory: "What're you in for?" "I had a solid tweet *takes drag off cigarette* and no one faved it. I just lost it." "We've all been there, brother."
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@leifromloihi: [opens fortune cookie] be careful what you wish for [opens another] this is your final warning
@heymonroe: 14 year old me would be shocked to learn that knowing every word to Billy Joel's 'We didn't start the fire' has done nothing for our career.
@shutupmikeginn: Using the domino's pizza tracker app seems like a great way to carjack someone you know isn't going to put up that much of a fight
@slackerjorge: Based on the number of AVI pics taken in your cars, I'm guessing that quite a few of you girls are on the run