@KevinFarzad: What's being in love feel like? You know when someone cancels plans you wanted to cancel anyway? Almost as good as that.
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@sarcasticmommy4: Took my kids out to dinner & was quickly reminded why I never take them out to dinner.
@Cheeseboy22: If you can talk really fast you have some options in life: Become an auctioneer or list the side effects of drugs at the end of commercials.
@UncleDuke1969: I've got 99 problems... <snap> 98 problems. <snap> 97 problems. <snap> 96 problems. <snap> BRB... I need to buy more mousetraps.