@HousewifeOfHell: What's it called when you're anxious enough to be a Helicopter Mom, but really, really lazy? A Blimp Mom? Yeah, I'm that.
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@minivansandgin: Hear toddler having meltdown at Target Me: Parents should control their kids! Cashier: Isn't she yours? Me: C: I saw her come in with you.
@Sorrowscopes: Leo: You will unwrap a package of Pop Tarts and none of the corners will have fallen off. This is how you will know you died in your sleep.
@SteveSackington: I feel sorry for all the responsible bulls out there minding their own business and just looking to buy some nice china.
@HopeUproar: Go to Target for shampoo. End up leaving with a blender, new pajamas, a couch, four kids and a car.