@autocorrects: What's that thing called when your crush likes you back? oh yeah imagination
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@truegritrumble: DATE: Let’s go to your place. ME: We'll take my car *pulls out Hot Wheels car* DATE: ... ME: Just kidding. DATE: Oh, thank God. ME: I don’t have a place. I'm homeless.
@Tierno158: When I refer to kids as "Snot-dripping, germ-spreading spawns of Satan" I hope you realize I'm not referring specifically to YOUR children.
@SoulYodeler: Wait you *must* be the aunt I've heard soooo much about. The one who looks like Freddie Mercury and laughs like a jackal. Is this her honey?
@HiddleDeeDee: 6: Mom, I'm going to be a Navy pilot or a SEAL. If that doesn't work, I'm going to work at Subway. It's all about the backup plan, people.