@autocorrects: What's that thing called when your crush likes you back? oh yeah imagination
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@jonnysun: spider-man, spidre-man,. does watever a spider can: has two legs., he can talk. wat kind of spider bit this guy
@FilthyRichmond: If you're not supposed to abuse cough syrup then why does it come with a little plastic shot glass?
@meaculpau27: In Starbucks a woman went sh*t house rat crazy when she got a double shot of espresso instead of the triple shot she ordered. I'm fine now.
@HomeProbably: The last time I was this drunk and covered in glitter, it had nothing to do with Christmas.