@ChrisThayerSays: what's the deal with "airplane food?" newsflash, jerry: it's called jet fuel.
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@mantej: Why would anyone ever think gay people tear apart the fabric of society? They love fabric.
@CourtneyBale: [dinner party] *removing myself from table* Excuse me, I have to take this. *picks up host's dog* *leaves*
@KKAlThani: Accidentally ran over my neighbor's cat today & I was scared to tell him to his face so I left a note saying "curiosity was here"