@ChrisThayerSays: what's the deal with "airplane food?" newsflash, jerry: it's called jet fuel.
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@ClaytonSykes: After buying toilet paper at Walgreens, the cashier said, "you'll need your receipt." I don't think I've ever been this scared in my life...
@MrsMikePatton: Maybe if we press "2" for Spanish, we'll actually get someone that speaks English better then the person on the "1" line.
@Fred_Delicious: [everyone in the STI clinic glaring at my Pokemon shirt] "No no it means like, I want to catch all the Pokemon"
@daemonic3: "Ok, what chemical symbol should we give this Gold?" *thief runs by, steals gold* "Hey! You!" Au, got it. Next element.