@causticbob: What's the difference between a guy wearing a bullet proof vest and the English football team? The guy would survive the first round.
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@Breadery: I've spent my whole life trying to find a girl with a psychiatric disorder that makes her think she's a woodpecker.
@HeyZeus666: My dad use to take me to the circus to see the tattooed man and the bearded lady. Now, I can see them anytime shopping at Walmart.
@Sickayduh: Accountant: Mr Cage, you are flat broke. *flashback to applying for a loan wearing John Travolta's face* Nick Cage: I already handled it
@davedittell: prayers by believers to a "Sweet Jesus" imply additional deities: Sour Jesus, Salty Jesus, Umami Jesus and, most frighteningly, Bitter Jesus