@causticbob: What's the difference between a guy wearing a bullet proof vest and the English football team? The guy would survive the first round.
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@sucittaM: When I see people running to catch the elevator I'm on I yell "HURRY! YOU GOTTA SMELL THIS!".
@Pork_Chop_Hair: Hell is just you and your dog as he takes revenge for all the times you shouted "Squirrel!" when there was no squirrel.
@cwhudson: [at a loud bar] HIM: [yelling] DO U HAVE ANY PLANS AFTER THIS? HER: [also yelling] YES I DO ACTUALLY HAVE PLANTS THAT I KISS