@Cali_Kid_Mike: What's the downside of house arrest?
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@PaperWash: bank robber: EVERYONE FREEZE! [everyone freezes] bank robber: [recording everyone] nice! this'll be the best mannequin challenge yet
@Cheeseboy22: Massaging the shoulders of the person in front of you at the Redbox machine will usually help them make up their mind faster.
@Scimommy: Who needs to watch the #SOTU when I can just read my TL? Here's what I've learned so far: John Boehner is still orange.