@omerwahaj: What's the name of that movie with that actor in which the guy does that thing with that other thing in that place during that time?
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@ThisOneSayz: Woman to friend at store: We can get shrimp for people who don't eat meat! Me: don't forget the cheese for the lactose intolerant people!
@TheCiscoKidder: After clipping my toddler's fingernails for over 2 years, I think I could diffuse a bomb while riding a roller coaster.
@jjax44: Sorry for nicking your car w/my door, but you didn't leave much room. It's small, but I circled it with my key so you could find it.
@jimelliott5000: Hey everyone, my mom's following me on Twitter now, so ixnay on all the eetstway about the ugsdray and exsay and acismray. Thanks