@alfageeek: What's the new etiquette rule: am I supposed to wait until everyone is done photographing their meals before I start eating mine?
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@Rollinintheseat: My life is a constant battle of wanting to pet a dog and not wanting to talk to its owner.
@AimeeHelene1: Instead of a jar to collect change for vacation, I'm going to start one for bail money, for when it flip out on stupid people in public.
@OutOfLeftField_: If a tree falls on your Ex in the woods, and no one hears it, still get rid of the chainsaw just in case.
@TEN_GOP: Tiger Woods: Nobody could screw up their career the way I did last weekend. Kathy Griffin: Hold my beer. Bill Maher: Mind if I join you?