@WilliamAder: What's the point of making people like Paul McCartney and Elton John knights if they're not going to joust?
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@iwearaonesie: wife [talking to her pregnant friend] No matter how old they get you always have to remind them to do the dumbest things me *walks out of the bathroom* wife: Did you wash your hands? me *goes back in the bathroom*
@TweetPotato314: It’s my son’s birthday this week; so we’ve been doing whatever he wants since he was born.
@crimson_n_aqua: Had a discussion with my boss about how lanyards can strangle.... conversation took a turn.... I am either fired or getting a HUGE raise x2