@Manda_like_wine: What's the proper salutation to use when writing a resignation letter to your children?
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@iLikeCatShirts: It's that scene from footloose where Kevin Bacon is angry dancing in the barn but it's me trying to do my taxes.
@JoshuaHvr: Boss: "Are you texting?" Me: "No, I'm Tweeting." Boss: "What's the difference?" Me: "Texting would imply that I have friends."
@SteveKoehler22: Why do they say "break a leg !" to actors ? If you said "tear an ACL !" to a star athlete, you'd be shot on the spot.
@thatUPSdude: Was driving with my dad the other day and he told me to get the map out of the glove box. Easy there Indiana Jones, I will just google it.