@Halbeerz: Whats this kids eat free bullshit. When was the last time you saw a 4 year old pick up the lunch tab??They always eat free
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@UhhhJasonWebb: I’ve spent the six years trying to learn Braille via hospital elevators. So far, I know elevator.
@mrjohndarby: [1st ever peacock to open up his tail] hey fellas, I dunno what it is, but i. feel. fantastic.
@timdonakowski: When a coworker tells everyone he proposed, I'm the guy that asks, "So, what did she say?" I'm funny that way.
@PajamaStew: Through a telescope, I see a woman on a planet light years away. She waves. I wave. I awkwardly realize she is waving to the guy behind me.