@biorhythmist: "What's up?" asked the guy with literally no sense of direction.
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@XplodingUnicorn: Me: Feel free to name your next kid after me. Coworker: Why would I name my kid “Giant Douchebag?”
@HepatitisAtoZ: the corner of the glass coffee table stalks its prey, ready to attack the shin of any unlucky soul that sleepily stumbles in striking range