@biorhythmist: "What's up?" asked the guy with literally no sense of direction.
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@JaneBadall: Fondly remembering a time when I could wear an over-sized guy's cardigan and still look pretty sexy, now I just look like a crazy bag lady.
@Wine_Honey1: People tell you to make yourself at home but then look confused when you drink their liquor and take a nap in the kitchen
@kumailn: You think Japanese teenagers are shocked the first time they see a real live naked woman & it's not all pixelated looking down there?
@ojedge: [puts puppy in microwave] [googles instructions for making hotdogs] [quickly releases puppy from microwave]