@3sunzzz: WHAT'S UP WITH ALL THE SILENT TREATMENT?!
~me, drunk, at a wax museum
@thatUPSdude: [breaks into your house]
[steals your shoes]
[walks a mile in them]
@robdelaney: My uncle was found dead in his office last night by cleaning staff. I'm glad because he wore Crocs to my wedding in 2006.
@ShoutingGoddess: I've done a few things I've been ashamed of, but at least I never played FarmVille.
@FlipPrincesss: Who gets the job of writing the fortunes in the cookies?
I want that job. I could really screw with some people.
@ruinedpicnic: [Terrorist tears open undercover FBI agent's jacket]
Terrorist: hey guys this dude is a Female Body Inspector