@3sunzzz: WHAT'S UP WITH ALL THE SILENT TREATMENT?!
~me, drunk, at a wax museum
@HatfieldAnne: “His and hers” gifts are the thoughtful choice for any wedding. The division of property goes so much more smoothly.
@_Tempo11: He said he wanted to "put more than just words in my mouth" and I was like "I hope you mean hamburgers."
@Rlpihl: in college, i was the third-wheel so many times they called me The Tricycle
@ShesARealGenius: [FIRST DATE]
Me, opening mouth seductively: "And this is where I burned my tongue on pizza, and this is where I burned my tongue on fries, a
@DamonHunzeker: "A Bunch of Stuff I Remembered and Then Compiled into a Narratively Cohesive Yet Inconsistently Compelling Tome: A Memoir"