@3sunzzz: WHAT'S UP WITH ALL THE SILENT TREATMENT?!
~me, drunk, at a wax museum
@AndrewNadeau0: ME: Onions make me cry.
HER: It's from a compound called Syn-Propanethial-S-Oxide.
ME: I think it's probably cuz an onion killed my parents.
@F5X11: Maybe I'm not stalking you, maybe I just like your schedule
@Jake_Vig: ME: So. You from around here?
HER: Yes. You're in my bedroom closet.
Me: Mom, what's for dinner?
Mom : typing ...
*goes to hell*
Mom: Fish, honey!
@ojedge: "Tim's coming tonight"
"Tim with hooves for feet or Tim that likes to bang coconut halves together?"
[in the distance] clip-clop clip-clop