@3sunzzz: WHAT'S UP WITH ALL THE SILENT TREATMENT?!
~me, drunk, at a wax museum
@elle91: They said the kids that bullied me in school would be pumping my gas one day but 1 just got a modeling contract who do I talk to about this
@SardonicTart: Sometimes I'm scared I'll miss my kids when they move out but then I find a bowl of cereal in the bathtub tub and I'm not so scared anymore.
@Cherhole: There was a girl pushing an suv this morning while the guy steered. Feminists everywhere must be scissoring in victory.
@BruceForce: When I see a door with the sign 'Door Alarmed' I always tell the door "don't worry, it's only me"
~ It's all about the empathy.
@astutenewf: Ain't no sandwich when she's gone.