@3sunzzz: WHAT'S UP WITH ALL THE SILENT TREATMENT?!
~me, drunk, at a wax museum
@DanMentos: *surgeon opens cooler during transplant*
*cooler is full of Gatorade*
"Wait but this means…"
*cut to surgeon's kids dumping kidney on coach*
@AddledPixie: "Unhand me you cad!" I shriek, before turning disappointedly to see that I've only caught my shirt in the silverware drawer.
@smickable: My mom is having a hysterectomy. This is like the time I moved away to college and she tore down my childhood bedroom.
@Ameiam: Jogging has never helped my memory.
@sarcasticmommy4: If I had a dollar for every time one of my kids said "Mom, you're not funny", I could buy a beach house.
And live by myself.