@_sleepysmile: What's with this 'running with scissors' bullshit? Why would you run with scissors? Are you that excited to cut paper?
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@KizerBillhelm: *on first date* Did you know that wool sweaters are the closest you can legally come to being inside a sheep?
@TheTalkingPipe: Her dad said he'd like to see me make an honest woman out of her. I had to resist the urge to tell him that ship sailed long before me.
@mattsurely: When I see JUST MARRIED I like to think it means 'only married' like there are higher types of commitment but they just settled for marriage
@XplodingUnicorn: 6-year-old: *finds a picture she drew* Why was this in the trash? Me: 6: Me: It was too good. I didn't want to make your sisters jealous.