@TravLeBlanc: What's worse than a chick telling you she only thinks of you as a friend? When she says she thinks of you like a brother.
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@WheelTod: On your first day at the beach, go up to the toughest-looking guy there, and let the air out of his water-wings.
@dlockw21: Therapist: Talk about your friends. Me: Now John at the bar is a friend of mine... T: That's a Billy Joel song. Me: You're no fun.
@fusedude: If someone makes you want to murder them, don't hesitate to do it. That moment you wait is the difference between 1st and 2nd degree murder.