@TravLeBlanc: What's worse than a chick telling you she only thinks of you as a friend? When she says she thinks of you like a brother.
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@dancefeverbarbi: I am so lazy that when I dropped the soap in the shower, I just sat down & took a bath. That was 2 hours ago. I'm still here.
@_ElvishPresley_: *friend you haven't spoken to in years posts photos of their marriage* wow thanks for the invite beth did our 6 weeks of drivers ed together mean nothing to u
@MichaelTrying: How many times does it have to be aliens before Scully believes? How many times does it have to be a guy in a mask before Shaggy doesn't?
@geowizzacist: (after bedtime) 3:DADDY COME INTO MY ROOM! Me: go to sleep. 3:YOU HAVE TO COME IN BECAUSE I CAN'T HEAR YOU M: yes you can 3:NO I CAN'T