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@Mr_Kapowski: [1st day in Hell] Satan: *giving impassioned speech* AND THE HELLFIRE AND BRIMSTONE- Me: *raises hand* What time are snacks? Satan: *eyes narrow* SNACKS?! Me: Ya, snacks Satan: Me: Satan: 3 pm
@stephenjmolloy: Me: "This new flavour of Pringles is horrible." Wife: "You're eating a tube of tennis balls."
@mkpaulsen: I asked my friend if he wanted a drink and he said to surprise him so I brought back a side salad.