@mzeld: What's your body type? Mine is "giant gummy bear."
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@DanMentos: "Bob's here" Bob the surgeon or Bob who just pretends he's a surgeon? "We only know one Bob and he's an accountant" *arm falls off*
@1Happytwit: You should never bribe someone to get what you want. You should blackmail them, it's cheaper and much more effective.
@JohnLyonTweets: One advantage of adulthood is how easy it is to force my way to the front of the line at the ice cream truck.
@ADDiane: Cats can use their whiskers to navigate in the dark. I use my toes. And shins. And lots of cursing.