@Ivsy01: What's your favorite song?-Me, to a baby wearing a Metallica shirt at the grocery store.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Sarcasticsapien: Friend: *singing along* But I'm a creep. I'm a widow. Me: Weirdo. Friend: Sorry, I'll stop. Me: No, he says...yeah okay, thanks.
@hrtbps: "How can it be global warming," pondered @realDonaldTrump, "if it's cold outside? Cold is the opposite of warm. Science is hard."
@ExecDad1: If you think men aren't good listeners then whisper "C'mere, I'm naked" and I will hear you eight states away.
@ChaoticBeny: Christmas always sucked when I was a kid because I believed in Santa Claus, and unfortunately, so did my parents. #Christmas