@Ivsy01: What's your favorite song?-Me, to a baby wearing a Metallica shirt at the grocery store.
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@NikiWithIssues: I'm just a girl, standing in front of a boy, blocking the tv and getting him shot on Call of Duty.
@theshamingofjay: Divorce is like hitting the reset button on Super Mario Bros except now you pay for the Princess's castle and hope Bowser kills you.
@LurkAtHomeMom: Pediatrician: How much water does she drink? Me: You mean like water water or bath water?
@TheRolo: [Chased by cops on foot] *Turns corner and lays DVD of The Notebook on floor* *Cops get lost in Ryan Gosling's eyes* *Makes clean getaway*