@E_lok44: When a 230 lb man yells from the shower for a towel, but you hand him a face cloth, he won't find it nearly as funny as you do.
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@withanewname: Wife: "you think all that sugar you fed the kids this morning was a wise idea?" Me: "why?" W: M: W: "they're running along side the car"
@RandomlyMJ: Falling for someone from Twitter is as intelligent as trying to give yourself a lobotomy with a sharpened jelly donut.
@dankashane20: I want to get a medical bracelet that says, "Shy" so I can I just hold it up during social situations.
@daemonic3: *Buys map of world, pins up on wall* *Swears to visit wherever it lands* *Aims dart* Map: I have a boyfriend