@varoon_singh: When a bird hits your window have you ever wondered if God is playing angry birds with you?
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@Westoff123: I'm going to buy a house near the St. Louis Airport and paint "Welcome to chicago" on my roof to confuse people who are about to land.
@TheCiscoKidder: Watching my kid pick his nose is disgusting. He wipes the boogers on his shirt instead of the closest cat like a normal person.
@JediGigi: Me: [I run into the break room at work] You! You have summoned me! I am here. Coworker: What? Me: You just summoned me. I heard you. Coworker: I opened a can of Spaghettios. Me: Yes.