@varoon_singh: When a bird hits your window have you ever wondered if God is playing angry birds with you?
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@Brampersandon_: WIFE: Not your eyes! You dont have to prove it anymore GUY WHO CLAIMS HE PUTS HOT SAUCE ON EVERYTHING: *thru tears* I made a commitment babe
@WilliamAder: Surprised Scarlett Johansson didn't leg sweep Travolta, throw him over her should onto his back and put her foot on his throat.
@leahlovescheez: My gynecologist recognized me at the grocery store, so I guess I need to start wearing longer skirts.