@notorious_stars: When a celebrity dies, who's the helpful psychopath that immediately changes all the "is"s to "was"s on their Wikipedia page?
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@SamuelHLowe: - I'm here to register for the pessimists' club. - Is the glass half empty or half full? - What glass? - Gentlemen, we have a new leader!
@iwearaonesie: "Don't put it on my plate if you don't want me to eat it!" - me to my kid, who's crying because I ate the playdoh burger he put on my plate
@mlevchin: Front page of cnn.com features "Cats that look like Hitler". Just not enough other important stuff happening in the world, I guess.
@TheMichaelRock: Recipes sound good until you realize that you don't have $846 worth of spices in your house.