@notorious_stars: When a celebrity dies, who's the helpful psychopath that immediately changes all the "is"s to "was"s on their Wikipedia page?
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@UncleDuke1969: "Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your Lord & Savior?" "No." "Why not, sir?" "Because, it would make my rabbi sad."
@iresurfaced: I dropped my phone when my friend accidently bumped my arm. It didn't break but for a moment I saw her whole life flash in front of my eyes.
@sixfootcandy: People need to learn the difference between heroin and heroine. One is exceedingly more difficult to fit into a syringe.