@robdelaney: When a celebrity tweets a whiny complaint at an airline, I vigilantly pray for them to get stranded on a runway for 72 hours.
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@oxnuxo: Fire engines are painted red for camouflage, so they can sneak up on fires without being noticed
@DamienFahey: I was really moved by The Great Gatsby. Specifically, to the theater showing Iron Man 3.
@LetsGet9ined: Man: a pack of condoms please. Cashier: would you like a paper bag? Man: no thanks, she's pretty good looking.
@QwertyJones3: [interview for an accounting job] Your resumé says your greatest strength is using idioms. How can that help in this job? "You do the math"