@TheAlexNevil: When a child gets a bad cold that’s when parents feel completely powerless. You just know that little Petri dish is gonna get you sick too.
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@JohnLyonTweets: Me: I like how you dyed all the meat green for St. Patrick's Day. Chipotle manager: It's St. Patrick's Day?
@torrami: So when two guys get super friendly it's bromantic, but what about two girls? Can we make homantic a thing? Or 'gina buddies or something?
@jonnysun: COP 1: whys there a dead scuba diver in the forest?? COP 2: easy…he was in the water they drop on forest fires WEIRD SERIAL KILLER: no no NO
@JRobb773: Your haunted dolls will promise you they are good at cutting even bangs, but they are not. They. Are. Not.