@bridger_w: When a cop asks if you know why they pulled you over, smile, take their hand in yours and say, "Sounds like somebody needed a friend"
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@juliussharpe: A lifetime of fire drills has prepared me to completely ignore the alarm during a real fire.
@bourgeoisalien: I feel pretty smart until I realize the wild ducks I’m surprised by on my neighbor’s lawn are metal lawn ornaments he’s had for 5 years.
@jergarl: I've never actually finished the song "Rock Your Body" by Justin Timberlake because I'm afraid I'll be naked by the end.