@bridger_w: When a cop asks if you know why they pulled you over, smile, take their hand in yours and say, "Sounds like somebody needed a friend"
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@Cheeseboy22: A cute thing I tell my kids when we see a dead deer on the side of the road is, "Looks like Santa lost his temper again."
@UncleDuke1969: He rose from mild mannered Social Studies teacher... To vicious kingpin of a criminal cupcake empire. Coming soon to AMC: "BAKING BRAD"
@devansgorock: Pro Tip: don't believe everything on Twitter. Y'all said throw her up against the wall to keep her happy. Karen from accounting. Not Happy.
@50NerdsofGrey: 'Tell me you want me' he ordered. 'I want you' she said. 'Now tell me you need me.' 'I need you' she sighed. She hated calling tech support.