@bridger_w: When a cop asks if you know why you were pulled over, respond, "I'm actually not allowed to discuss the details of the case"
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@Reverend_Scott: I'll take Manly Men for $500, Alex. "Answer. These booklets of pages are a pointless waste of time." What are instructions? "Correct."
@DonQuickoats: My dogs are barking a lot lately but I think it is because their performance appraisals are coming up
@LuckoftheDraw86: I dropped my iPhone under the bed once so I get it, moms that lift cars off their babies, I get it.
@imchriskelly: I have complicated opinions on the death penalty. I think it’s wrong but I also think that owners of cash-only establishments should get it.