@Papa_Mex: When a coworker pisses me off, I like to write his name down for 23 boxes of girl scout cookies on the form in the break room
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@ShittyComedian: So it turns out that fat bearded man whose lap I was sitting on at the mall wasn't Santa. LOL drugs.
@ItsAndyRyan: Me: "I can't turn on the shower" Plumber: "It's seen you naked so often the excitement's gone. Try dressing up" *Hands over shower cap*