@dafloydsta: When a coworker says "This is all Greek to me", I always assume they want me to punch them right in their throatopolis.
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@david8hughes: [inventing trees] Angel: what purpose do they serve? God: cats climb em Angel: can they climb back down? God [inventing the fire dept]: nope
@sarcasticmommy4: My kids say I need to stop trying to embarrass them but joke's on them because I'm not even trying.
@BlindVigil: I'll take a low-fat, mocha, chai, organic-soy-milk latte, with a shot of French vanilla, sprinkled with unicorn soul, please.