@HALFniteStand: When a girl comes over for a date, I make sure I leave a hammer and measuring tape on the counter so she doesn't suspect that I watch Glee
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@ItsAndyRyan: "How come Americans write the month first?" "That's how you say it, month first" "What's the date today" "It's the fourth of July"
@causticbob: There are 4 stages in life 1)You believe in Santa Claus 2)You don't believe in Santa Claus 3)You are Santa Claus 4)You look like Santa Claus
@TheCatWhisprer: *intermittently glances at phone while placing order for 6 burritos so the Chipotle lady thinks they're for multiple people*
@Phook75: It sucks when I congratulate a woman on her pregnancy only to have him quickly correct me