@HALFniteStand: When a girl comes over for a date, I make sure I leave a hammer and measuring tape on the counter so she doesn't suspect that I watch Glee
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@FinallyHeSleeps: The only thing sexier than a girl wearing glasses is a girl wearing only glasses.
@SteussieErica: "Sorry I didn't have a chance to clean up the place," I say as I wave dismissively at the chalk outline drawn on the living room floor.
@TheMichaelRock: Some guy robbed a local gas station and stole $700 worth of cigarettes. I wonder what he'll do with both packs.