@HALFniteStand: When a girl comes over for a date, I make sure I leave a hammer and measuring tape on the counter so she doesn't suspect that I watch Glee
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@CornOnTheGoblin: ? Hey there Delilah, can we handle this discreetly My stomach reacted badly after eating old zucchini ? and I just pooooed ?
@murrman5: I sniffed my work shirt to see if it was too dirty. Unfortunately I work at a chloroform factory and woke up 6 hours late for my shift
@Ristolable: A person on this website accused me of writing "a thousand bad jokes" and I was like wow that's a weird way to say you like 7000 of my jokes
@WetzelGeek: Wifey put some girly glitter soap in the bathroom. This morning I look like I either just came from the strip club, or showered with Ke$ha.