@TheBoghdady: "When a girl says 'Awww Thanks!', it means she's politely asking you to return to the friend zone that you just tried to escape from."
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@E_lok44: He asked why I put my stick figures on my dash, not the bumper. I had to explain that it was an actual photo of my relatives.
@walks_on_legs: What is this special type of waffle called a "Tennis racket" and why does it taste like metal wires?
@trevso_electric: Leave a Post-It on your girlfriend's birth control that says, "guess u don't want 2 have my babies haha."
@jimmytorosian: Me: I just souped up my car Person: What kind of engine did you put in it? *cut to me filling my car with tomato soup* Me: Um... A fast one.