@TheBoghdady: "When a girl says 'Awww Thanks!', it means she's politely asking you to return to the friend zone that you just tried to escape from."
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@meladoodle: this is the police, we have u surrounded come out with your hands on ur head, then ur shoulders, okay good now knees and toes knees and toes
@Steven37366100: Friend: What a cute baby! Boy or girl? Me: Guess Friend: What’s its name? Me: Spork
@Social_Mime: Gandhi would go on fasts for weeks and remain peaceful. I go 3 hours without eating and I'm yelling at dust.
@EricaTheThor: Apparently a new study shows that unattractive men make better mates. Nice try, ugly scientists.