@spittingllama_: When a girl tells u about her favorite animal - "I'd eat one" is not the right response.
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@MollySneed: Never tell someone that it would work out if "only they lived closer". Crazy can change zip codes faster than you can change your identity.
@drwgmawr: Sneezed while doing sign language and accidentally threw up a gang sign. 17 drug lords are chasing me down the street. Send help.
@Bob_Janke: If you spend "up to $9000" on my funeral it better be on some kind of mechanism that makes me sit up in the casket when people walk by.