@spittingllama_: When a girl tells u about her favorite animal - "I'd eat one" is not the right response.
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@Shira: Only in America would people violently trample each other for discounts, exactly one day after being thankful for what they already have...
@moose_chocolate: For Easter, I will hide pieces of IKEA furniture all over the house and then have my kid assemble it. If she succeeds, she gets chocolate.
@internetluke: [comes out of coma after 12 years] ME: Holy shit I forgot to set my AIM status to 'Away'! DOCTOR: you might want to take a seat