@JMNuch23: When a girl tells you how many guys she's slept with, multiply by 3 and add the number of guys in her phone named Tyler
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@ceejoyner: Throw a baby badger so high that when it lands on your enemy it's fully grown and very upset. You left town years ago. The perfect crime.
@Brianhopecomedy: Grandmother: "So what is Skype?" *Explains in great detail on how it works* "So do I need a computer for it?" "I JUST...how's your cat?"
@bobbiejo448: I don't want to tell you how to run your company, Hostess, but liquidating just as weed becomes legal seems like a bad business decision.