@JennyJohnsonHi5: When a guy shaves his head bald and wears a sweatband, the top of his head looks like a stick of roll-on deodorant.
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@vanluvz1: Any fountain can be a Fountain of Youth if filled with champagne and you've had 5 glasses.
@HomeProbably: When people ask me about my hobbies, I tell them I'm into birdwatching, photography and meeting new people. It sounds better than stalking.
@aka_fatman: President, first day on the job: *pushing a button* Janet can you- [two nuclear missiles launch towards Moscow] That wasn't the intercom.