@JennyJohnsonHi5: When a guy shaves his head bald and wears a sweatband, the top of his head looks like a stick of roll-on deodorant.
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@asimplesean: Just saw a dog with three legs. He did have a fourth leg, but he also had three legs.
@iwearaonesie: mother-in-law (on FB): I'm tired of everyone being so condesending *wife tackles me before I can write "you spelled 'condescending' wrong"*
@TySmithdrums: When I'm at a bar with my cousin she doesn't think it's funny when I yell 'BUT HE'S YOUR GYNECOLOGIST!' every time the music dies down.