@JennyJohnsonHi5: When a guy shaves his head bald and wears a sweatband, the top of his head looks like a stick of roll-on deodorant.
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@1evilidiot: Just heard the phrase naturally boneless chicken and that'll keep me awake tonight.
@Jen_Mahabir: If we ever travel thousands of light years to a planet with intelligent life - lets just make patterns in their crop and leave.
@retniw_nuf: I wear my wedding ring everyday so I know my right hand from my left hand, incase the man of my dreams asks me for directions.
@One2thTEXAN: *walks up to cute teller at bank* Me: you wanna grab lunch some time? T: sir, I've seen your balance. M: yea, I was hoping you'd buy.