@careworn: When a guy wearing cargo pants hits on me I'm tempted to go out with him just to see how many of my belongings I can fit into his pockets.
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@Mr_Kapowski: Even if you're single, always blame a declined credit card on your fictional spouse at the register.
@Parentpains: "She must be shy" is probably what I say to myself the most when a woman abruptly moves across the country after talking to me.
@ComedicBust: All of my clothes look like they're about to explode off my body, yet my grandma still asks me if I'm eating enough every time I see her.
@travisauruss: Blood is thicker than water. But maple syrup is thicker than blood. So pancakes are more important than family. I said it.