@careworn: When a guy wearing cargo pants hits on me I'm tempted to go out with him just to see how many of my belongings I can fit into his pockets.
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@mattsurely: Me: What do you call sex in December? Wife: Don't say it. Me: ... W: ... Me: Wintercourse. W: (to judge) See this is why I need a divorce.
@imadepoopstoday: I've learned that you can buy a kitten with no problem, but you have to come back at a different time to buy the juicer.
@electrolemon: HARRY JR: what do you see in the mirror of desire, papa HARRY SR: well if i look closely i see you mowing the lawn this morning like i asked
@ProdigyNelson: [bedroom] Her: omg don't stop Me: what was that? Her: *sighs* Simon says don't stop