@arielleBigBlue: When a guy wearing shorts and sandals to a bar is picking out songs on the jukebox, it's going to end badly for everyone.
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@junejuly12: Seeing a woman drinking, smoking, and gambling while in her wedding dress makes me realize I need to up my multi-tasking game.
@theclinestborle: Hey, hot girl at the bar who gave me a radio station’s phone number instead of hers : the jokes on you, I just won Oilers tickets and a Bud Light poncho
@sass_n_ass: Shout out to the ampersand for always being willing to stand in the gap & help make our tweets complete by giving back those extra two lette
@OhNoSheTwitnt: While it's true that gay marriage doesn't nullify straight marriage, if Beyoncé was born on your birthday it's not your birthday anymore.