@arielleBigBlue: When a guy wearing shorts and sandals to a bar is picking out songs on the jukebox, it's going to end badly for everyone.
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@Violent2Dope304: Hamburger Helper only works if the hamburger is ready to accept that it needs help.
@EndhooS: "What are you doing here?" I just got fired from the circus "Oh my" Yeah, the calibration on my cannon was way off. I landed in your pond
@david8hughes: [son's football game] Other dad: which one's yours? Me: I can't remember. I just wait for him in the car when the games over
@RobotSkeleton69: It was only after I started dancing in the food court - alone - that I learned flash mobs are planned...