@pizzajaynow: When a Jehovah Witness dies, Heaven turns off all the lights and pretends no one is home.
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@Kyle_Lippert: Researchers have found why bears hibernate. "They're sad due to a break up" said one. "It's been a year Brent. Move on. I have" said another
@AverageCorners: My sleeping pills say to take them and immediately go to bed, but I feel like I have plenty of time, so km ufmcmszbv ishzn hdu flerf.
@heatherjs: Sex Ed should require them to listen to a crying baby for 5 hours, and to watch the same episode of a cartoon over and over again.
@myles_morrison: I can tell everything I need to know about a person by how they cut their sandwich. Diagonal = normal Straight = serial killer No cut = dad