@just_evolved: When a killer makes you dig your own grave, throw the soil far away so he has trouble backfilling.
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@realHamOnWry: Taylor Swift and Calvin Harris called it quits. But I am looking forward to her next album devoted to the break-up called 'Calvin and Sobs'.
@MrMichaelRose: my lawyer wants me to turn myself into the police but I keep telling him impersonating a cop is what got me into trouble in the first place
@Jacob_Swift16: When I was a child someone shot me with a flare gun and I've been absolutely fabulous ever since
@JennyJohnsonHi5: No matter how adorable you think your young son is, it's best you not refer to him as a "lady killer", it might end up being true.