@just_evolved: When a killer makes you dig your own grave, throw the soil far away so he has trouble backfilling.
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@plumbur: I'm convinced that my washing machine is a portal to a world where one-legged men hop around in my socks.
@midnightwhale: [walks up to firefighters trying to put out a fire] it's alright guys i got this one. *whips out a flamethrower* TIME TO FIGHT FIRE WITH FI-
@jenlaw_11: If a server comes to my table and asks 'hows everythin tasting?' mid chew I like to grab their wrist and keep them there until I can answer