@Mimiification: When a man tells me he's looking for a 'real woman' I scurry away because I'm actually three owls in a raincoat AND HE MUSTN'T FIND OUT.
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@ChipKellysBalls: Why is it the the people who drink the most Red Bull are the people who seem to have the least going on?
@bombfunk75: Get your rock star name, like Axl Rose did, by selecting a car part and then a flower. Mine is Crankshaft Tulip
@markydoodoo: [at dog park] ME: it's ok, she's friendly. THEM: is, is that a crab? ME: yep. She's a purebred. Her name is Clawdrey Hepburn. She's 2.
@sixthformpoet: 1. Go to police station 2. Say a gang mugged you 3. Describe your own relatives to police sketch artist 4. Claim free family portrait