@RapeyRaperton: When a man tries to hug me hello or goodbye I whisper in his ear "tip to tip" and sigh as we embrace to ensure we never do it again.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@WoodyLuvsCoffee: Overheard 2 dad's at the playground wondering if my kid was as creepy as me. Joke's on them. I don't have kids.
@KizerBillhelm: My friend just ordered a kale and quinoa salad and a side of eggplant fries and now I'm blinded by whiteness.
@mc_funbags: People say that Twitter is pointless but it's teaching my children to be self sufficient.
@thecoliny: DATE: so what kind of writing do you do? ME: um, cursive, regular… DATE: no I mean- ME: actually I can't do cursive :/