@RapeyRaperton: When a man tries to hug me hello or goodbye I whisper in his ear "tip to tip" and sigh as we embrace to ensure we never do it again.
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@Gre_Gone: [coming through customs] Okay Sir 1 last thing before we're done. Is there anything you'd like to declare? *slams passport* "I've had sex."
@AimeeHelene1: Me: Heeeeyyyyyy Judy, good morning! *scratches Judy's back, wiping off my Cheeto fingers* Judy: Hi!!! How are y..... Me: *walks away*
@0point5twins: STUDENT: what's it like being drunk? TEACHER: see those 6 desks? A drunk person would see 12. STUDENT: there are only 3 desks.
@TheRealRHB: Doctor: Any cancer in the family? Me: My mom is a Sagittarius, but I'll have to check on everyone else. Doc: ...