Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

@AmericanGent69: When a person says a book is so good they can't put it down, but yet, are not holding that book.

This is why I have trust issues.

When a person says a book is so good they can’t put it down, but yet, are not holding that book. This is why I have trust issues.
1 comments

COMMENTS

YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE

@LeonEarlgrey: I always go the extra mile, which is why my friends don't let me drive

27

@charliecapen: Parenting is a lot like a Tarantino film. Lot of questions and violent screaming.

1

@squirrel74wkgn: [at the pearly gates] I said, "send me a selfie." Then she said, "too ugly today." So I said, "never stopped you before" ...& here I am.

91

@Hustleupagus04: police codes 472: loitering 213: man with horse eyes 304: gnarly dirtbike 94: breaking & entering 834: dog smoking weed 58: sexy loitering

38

@genehunter1: I always blurt out, "SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND" in my best Al Pacino Scarface accent when I stand next to a stranger at a urinal.

1
↑