@dubouchet: When a pterodactyl urinates, no one hears it. (silent P)
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@AimeeHelene1: Do poodle owners realize they just bought a dog with a shitty 1980s white girl perm?
@TheRolo: FBI: "Report anything that seems suspicious" Citizens: "Jet fuel can't melt steel beams" FBI: "K like not anything anything"
@jazmasta: By DAY he's just a regular accountant. But at NIGHT he becomes a trash ravaging raccoon... "Raccountant".. Coming this fall on Fox
@rockymomax: [first date] -so how do you feel about octopus? Her: I like em -Whew! [lets other six arms fall out of shirt]