@DurtMcHurtt: When a raccoon stands up and cracks his knuckles, stop shaving him immediately.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Shingaboop: Look UPS guy, you can't just show up at someone's house unannounced and expect them to have pants on.
@McNevich: Sometimes I'll flush a few slices of pizza down the toilet just to let the Ninja Turtles know I miss them
@dafloydsta: [girlfriend sleeping over for the first time] HER: This is nice. ME: You need to move to the couch. My dog sleeps on that side.