@DurtMcHurtt: When a raccoon stands up and cracks his knuckles, stop shaving him immediately.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@omgthatspunny: It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it
@karentozzi: Ten Ways To Tell If Your Kitchen Is Haunted: 1.) Flying forks 2.) Pre-fried eggs 3.) Fridge moaning/wailing 4-10.) Ghosts
@murrman5: [to pharmacist getting my pills that make me stop talking about ET] long day? "ugh I can't wait to go home" know who else wanted to go home
@omgthatspunny: Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.