@Dani_Feld: When a relative asks me what I'm doing with my life, I tell more lies than a guy at a computer whose wife just asked him what he's doing.
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@Diversion50: I once had an epileptic fit during my turn at a game of charades. Everyone just kept yelling, "HOW MANY WORDS?" and "IS IT THE EXORCIST?".
@DurtMcHurtt: [funeral] Her: why is my dead grandfather wearing a diamond ring? *sliding it off his finger* Me: *gets down on one knee* because babe...