@flyafuckingkite: When a seeing eye dog poops, who cleans it up? This is the kind of stuff that makes my head hurt.
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@NicestHippo: You're an adult now. Stop lying about your life on Facebook and start doing it on LinkedIn
@AsgardianRose: Every kiss begins with 'K' I whisper quietly to myself as I read his one letter response to my last 7 text messages.
@Steelers1972: For most people when you lose your "khakis" you've lost your pants. When you're from Boston & lose your "khakis" you can't start your car.
@FirstDateStory: "Went to watch a movie, I was wearing shorts and he swiped his finger on my leg. Later found out he wiped his booger on me"