@flyafuckingkite: When a seeing eye dog poops, who cleans it up? This is the kind of stuff that makes my head hurt.
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@Reverend_Scott: [interview] Okay, don't let him know ur a vampire. "What kind of person do u see when u look in the mirror?" OH COME ON
@runningmascara6: I want to be the reason you look down at your phone and smile, then walk into a pole..
@KeetPotato: reporter: "what inspired your theory of gravity" isaac newton: "i fell off the toil-" agent: [leans into mic] "an apple hit him on the head"