@shatterpants: When a waitress asks me if I want soup or salad, I always ask "who's in charge of tossing the salads here?" Then I frown & order the soup.
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@EndhooS: Kangaroo: SOMEONE TOOK MY BABY 911: try to remain calm Kangaroo: PLEASE FIND MY...wait.. 911: was it in your- Kangaroo: it was in my pocket
@KalvinMacleod: WORM: Why do caterpillars think they are better than us? OTHER WORM: *is drowning in a very shallow puddle*
@Matt_The_1st: "What's wrong with our country?" OBAMA! "Who are we going to reelect in 2012?" OBAMA!
@Sean_Burgundy_: [1st date] Waiter: Can I get you a drink ma'am ? Me: Wow really bro right in front of me?