@shatterpants: When a waitress asks me if I want soup or salad, I always ask "who's in charge of tossing the salads here?" Then I frown & order the soup.
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@KyleMcDowell86: Im sorry I yelled "GARY LIKED STAR WARS EPISODE ONE" when the pastor asked if anyone knew of a reason why you and Gary shouldn't be married
@Brianhopecomedy: I checked my phone while I was mowing the lawn and now we don't have a garden.
@rsynder336x2: I always pick up a huge cucumber up at walmart and yell to my wife "you said you wanted the biggest one right" Because I'm a great husband