@mrtruthandsoul: When a Weeping Willow dies does it become Mourning Wood?
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@KyleMcDowell86: [commercial for mops] *scene of a man licking up a pool of spilled soda off the dirty floor* "There has to be a better way" Narrator:MOPS
@lurve_meh: They say kill 'em with kindness but it's much quicker if you just take their phone charger away.
@aaroncoal: I always keep gluten next to my bed in case a hipster breaks into my house in the middle of the night.