@carlawh: When a woman suddenly shuts up, a man can hear the theme from Psycho discreetly playing in the background.
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@WilliamAder: I remember my first time at a mic. "Cleanup on aisle 5" & "Price check-Advil" were two early bits that really seemed to resonate with folks.
@SuperTeeWhy: [Me, getting hauled out of a bank vault with 1,000 chameleons stapled around my body] "Damn"
@ItsAndyRyan: Bae: Are you coming over? Me: Yes, I'm coming over. - Me and Bae having CB Radio sex
@robdelaney: Girl, are your legs tired? Cuz you were running through my dreams all night and you did some amazing parkour & also kicked a judge to death.