@carlawh: When a woman suddenly shuts up, a man can hear the theme from Psycho discreetly playing in the background.
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@KenJennings: DINNERTIME FOOD IDEAS FROM MY SON "Can we put Nutella on our salmon and call it salmonella?" This has been DINNERTIME FOOD IDEAS FROM MY SON
@chelliet22: Two days ago: omg, I'm so glad I found my watch, I'll never misplace it again! Today: *has zero clue where the hell my watch is*
@Wtftab: Useful information: don't turn around if a woman throws a shoe at your back. Because more than likely the other one is in mid flight.
@OutOnTheMoors: How does an eyelash, so soft and fine, turn into a cheese-grater when it gets under your eyelid?